Strive Fall Retreat Provides Training, Promotes Bonding

Now in its fifth full year, STRIVE – CALM’s one-on-one mentoring program for high school boys – has settled into a predictable rhythm: training new mentors and recruiting new students in August, kicking the school year off with a cookout in September, having an overnight retreat for all students and mentors in October, going on a college visit on Election Day, and a throwing a party to celebrate the students’ successes in December. In between, students meet with their mentors on a weekly basis and talk about life: hopes for the future, present challenges, current goals and the steps to reach them, what it means to follow Jesus, family issues, etc. All of this and more are an effort to support the boys throughout high school, to see them graduate, go on to college or career, and become responsible and productive adults who support their families and themselves.

This year’s student-mentor retreat occurred October 14-15. Originally the idea of a STRIVE mentor four years ago, the semiannual retreat continues to be a popular activity where participants and volunteers strengthen their bonds and make lasting memories. As has become our custom, we loaded up the minibus on Friday evening for the half-hour jaunt to idyllic WatermarksCamp in Scottsville, arriving just in time for dinner. This year we brought eight students, four mentors, and for the first time, a guest speaker. After dinner and some free time, mentor and Trinity Presbyterian Church Pastoral Resident DJ Carter led the group in a devotional on John 3:16. The group then engaged in friendly competition in a series of field games, before concluding the evening making s’mores around a fire pit.

Saturday morning began with breakfast, followed by an exercise in communication led by author, trainer, and former CALM employee Eddie Howard. Afterward, students and mentors separated for breakout sessions. Inspired by a sermon by Geoff Maurer from Christ Community Church, I talked with the boys about responsible use of technology. Using 1 Corinthians 7:29-31 as a base (“those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them”), I noted that Americans spend an average of 10.5 hours per day looking at screens. All (myself included) admitted to struggling with this, and we discussed practical steps to keep God at the forefront of our minds. One student shared that he keeps his devotional bible on his dresser next to his lotion, so he always remembers to do his daily reading after his morning shower.

Meanwhile, Eddie spoke with mentors about how to connect with their students, build trust, nurture them, and empower them. The mentors asked questions like how to talk about potentially painful family situations (e.g. absentee fathers) with their students. Speaking from a wealth of experience and wisdom, Eddie responded that many young men are just waiting for someone to ask them about their pain, which is why it’s crucial for mentors to develop a close relationship with their student. Doing so allows mentors to broach delicate but important subjects, supporting their student not just physically, but emotionally as well.

Following a hearty lunch and more free time, the students and mentors engaged in a spirited battle of paintball. Some were first timers, some were veterans, but all enjoyed themselves in games like Capture the Flag and Zombie Apocalypse. All good things must come to an end though, so after cleaning our weapons, we gathered lakeside, took photos to commemorate the weekend, and boarded the bus home.

Back Row, from Left: Javier, Richard, Appiton, Jerry, Dylan.
Front Row: Majestic, Telik, Cardale, Cameron, Donshea.

Partnership with Clayborne Education Helps Strive Students Reach Their Potential

I wrote the following article for Abundant Life's Winter 2015 newsletter. You may view the full newsletter here.

When the satisfied parent of a Clayborne Education customer approached its founder and longtime Abundant Life volunteer Clay Daniel about funding a scholarship for a student less able to afford personalized test prep services, Daniel didn’t hesitate.  He contacted Strive coordinators Dylan Rosenthal and Richard Feero and asked if there was a senior in the mentoring program who could benefit from such an offer.

Dylan and Richard identified Hannibal “Hamp” Reid, a responsible but slightly below average student who had seen his grades rise modestly after his first year in Strive. Dylan approached Hannibal and his parents about Clayborne’s offer: two diagnostic tests and ten tutoring sessions, valued at $900, completely free thanks to the generosity of an anonymous foundation. Facing the prospect of giving up his free time on Saturdays, Hannibal weighed the offer but decided to embrace the challenge.

Hannibal, Malik, and LA, three of Strive's five Class of 2015 seniors, at Charlottesville High School's graduation.

Hannibal started with Clayborne in the fall of 2014 by taking both a practice SAT and ACT, to see which test played better to his strengths. Clayborne determined that Hannibal was better suited for the ACT, and his subsequent tutoring sessions focused on its material and strategies. After the completion of the course in December, Hannibal took the ACT. His progress was stunning; he improved by four points, which is the equivalent of 180 points on the SAT!

Armed with his higher ACT score and earning his best grades yet in high school with the support of his Strive mentor Jed Metge, Hannibal applied to Virginia Union University, Ferrum University, and his dream school, Old Dominion University.  Hannibal received acceptances to each one, except ODU, where he was waitlisted. His prayers were answered when a month later he received admittance to Old Dominion!

As Metge recalls, "We had been meeting every week for months, and each week we would pray for college applications: to trust God with the process and to ask Him to open doors. So to be with Hamp and his family after the acceptance letter came from ODU was a joy that is hard to capture. But what will stick with me forever was being with Hamp as he articulated -- God made this happen. God heard and answered me."

Now enjoying his first semester of college, Hannibal says, “Thanks to Strive, I have learned to become a very organized individual.  Clayborne gave me the confidence and preparation I needed to become successful.  I would not have found Clayborne without Strive.”

Says Daniel, himself a Strive mentor: "It was a great pleasure to see the way Hannibal took to the skills and strategies I imparted to him. He is a bright kid with great promise, and just needed some familiarity with the way standardized tests present their content. I'm grateful to have helped such a tremendous young man, and I look forward to more opportunities to help Strive students achieve their dreams."

Pleased with the outcome of Hannibal’s scholarship, the foundation has again offered a scholarship for Clayborne services to a Strive student. We hope that this unique three-way partnership between CALM, Clayborne, and the foundation continues bearing fruit for years to come.

Kids Say the Darndest Things, Pt. 17

A few days ago, on our way to Camp Wabanna, the boys and I stopped at Chipotle for dinner. One 7th grader, who is Mexican, was very excited because he had never been there before.  He asked me if they had cow tongue and churros; he was surprised to learn they did not.  He really seemed to enjoy his meal, though.  After he finished it, he dramatically proclaimed, "This is the best burrito I've had in days."

He experienced another culinary first yesterday: onion rings.  Those, he said, were "superb."

Kids Say the Darndest Things, Pt. 16

I took a couple of sixth graders with me to the UVA men's basketball game on Saturday, and as is my custom, I parked a little far away for free.  We needed to hurry to not miss player introductions, so I set a fast pace.  One of the boys had no problem keeping up, but the other is more on the rotund side.  He was clearly struggling, and as we crossed the U-Hall parking lot, he hilariously began yelling, "Taxi!  Taxi!"  None came to his aid, but he caught up to us at the crosswalk in front of the arena.

Kids Say the Darndest Things, Pt. 15

During the 5/8 summer program, we typically take the boys on field trips to Mint Springs Lake and Water Country USA.  They tend to have a range of swimming abilities, from experienced to beginner, and I don't usually know until we're in the water (lifeguards are always present).  This pair of quotes is from last summer.

Me: Do you know how to swim?
5th grader: I can swim. Except when I'm drowning, it's hard for me to swim.

6th grader (trying to convince me that his mother's worries about him in water were unfounded): I swam in eight feet of water and I didn't even drown!

Somehow neither statement provided me much assurance in their abilities, but thankfully, we were incident-free.

And the MVP goes to...

Almost a year ago, the 5/8 Club leaders gathered to plan for the spring semester. We discussed how things went during the fall and what we could do to make the program better, keeping in mind the program's goals: that it would be safe, fun, and productive for everyone.

At Abundant Life, we believe in high standards and high support. At the beginning of each year the boys make their own rules, and everyone (leaders included) signs their name to them, agreeing to abide by them. We use a discipline policy called the Standard Response to deal with misbehavior. In general, the first infraction results in a warning, the second infraction results in a timeout (missing the beginning of free time to help clean up after dinner), and the third results in the student being taken home and missing the next field trip. There are other nuances, but I'm simplifying here for the sake of time and space.

This policy has worked pretty well over the years to maintain a safe, fun, and productive environment, but it's certainly not perfect. Too often, it has resulted in leaders harping on poor behavior and failing to recognize good behavior (parents and teachers can probably relate). At this particular leaders meeting, one of my volunteers had an idea: What if we made a concerted effort to praise and reward good behavior on a weekly basis? The reasons would be two-fold: to esteem those who are doing the right thing, and to encourage others to follow their example. A quick brainstorming session came up with a new initiative: the Most Valuable Participant (MVP) award.

Each week, leaders would be on the lookout for students who are listening with their ears and eyes, participating (e.g. asking and answering questions, volunteering to help), and being respectful. At the end of the evening, leaders would come to a consensus on who the MVP was for the younger (5th-6th grade) and older (7th-8th grade) boys and announce it in front of everyone. The winners would receive a Gatorade and their name on the MVP Wall of Fame, on display each week.

The MVP Award comes with one more perk, perhaps just as important. The parents of the MVP winner receive a congratulatory call or text to let them know how great their son was that week. The responses from the parents may be my favorite part, to hear them beaming with pride and eager to praise their son for setting a good example for his peers. It makes the boys feel even more special, and it makes the parents feel more involved in what we do. The MVP award has been been well received by the boys, and it's brought a fun and positive vibe to our Monday night meetings. It may be less than a year old, but I have a feeling it's here to stay.

The Power of Prayer

So this literally just happened. I arrived at work this morning and realized that I had misplaced a check that I had brought with me yesterday to deposit. It wasn't in my pockets (I was wearing the same jeans; don't judge me), and I didn't see it last night when I emptied out my pockets after returning home from 5/8 Club. I figured it must have fallen out of my pocket at some point yesterday when I was pulling out my keys or cell phone. Unfortunately, I was in a bunch of places yesterday: home, my car, the Abundant Life house, the Chinese restaurant, Food Lion, the office, the bus, a kids' house, Trinity, and another kids' house. The prospect of finding it didn't seem all that great.

This afternoon, I thought I'd look for it in the few places in my close proximity. I grabbed the key to the bus and went outside. As I walked to the parking lot, I looked at the grass around the walkway and thought about how far a check could blow in 16-24 hours. I continued on to the bus and walked through it. No luck. I then walked over to my car and checked around the driver's seat. Nothing. Finally, I went in the trunk to grab something. As I closed the trunk and turned back toward the office, I prayed to myself, "Lord, please help me find this check." Immediately a small piece of paper in the parking lot caught my eye. I walked up to it and unfolded it; it was the check.

Sometimes we wait years for our prayers to be answered. Sometimes we never get the answer we are looking for. But every once in a while, at least for me, the answer comes instantly. No one understands these things, but I know it has to do with faith. So here I am, just like in the Parables of the Lost Sheep and Lost Coin, calling on you to rejoice with me :)

"And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith." - Matthew 21:22